Welcome to a new year, a new beginning, a time when most of
us decide that this year, we’re going to do things differently, that we’re
going to achieve some long-held goal that we’ve never been able to achieve
prior to this. But this year, it’s going to be different. We’re going to be different.
This collective enthusiasm for change is contagious – and
can fuel us – so let’s first congratulate ourselves for taking that initial
step. Recognizing a need for change is very powerful!
However, I know from experience that it’s also important to
recognize that most of us are champion wheel-spinners – despite all of our
research, planning, conversations and declarations, we ultimately choose to
stay within the limits of what we know … and thus embed ourselves deeper into
an existence that frustrates us and blocks us from expressing our divine self.
As a coach and a member of clergy, I’d love to see all of us
succeed at our goals (and thus be happy and at peace); therefore I feel it’s
important to understand the mechanisms for making change, so that we can succeed and not just spin our wheels.
I’m going to break down what I’ve come to learn through my
experiences as clergy and coach into three posts. In this post, I will cover
some causes of our wheel-spinning and an important step in goal-attainment,
which is Ownership of the Issue.
Addressing the emotional core
As a fundamental “Type A” personality, I used to think that
the way to succeed was to Do Do DO ~ to plan and plot and think and
intellectually problem-solve … but the challenge with that method was that I
was approaching my goal from the conscious mind. I wasn’t addressing “what lies
beneath” – which was my complete lack of self-confidence.
It was only recently, through my spiritual studies, that I
realized attaining a goal is not about what I was
doing – but that my results were
based on how I feel. We are driven by deep-seated feelings that either propel
us toward success or submarine our efforts.
To attain achievement, we have to break emotionally driven,
destructive patterns; thus we have to address our emotional core.
So, how do we invite success into our lives?
Ownership of the issue we’re trying to address
When I was studying to become clergy, my teacher used to
say, ”Own your shit.”*
After I stopped giggling, I realized she was right on so
many levels – not only do we need to own the wounded parts of ourselves, we
need to own the fact that we are completely responsible for our behaviors, our
reactions and the results we do and don’t produce in our world.
The longer we stay in a state of non-ownership, or “being
the victim”, (i.e., blaming, making excuses, procrastinating, pitying
ourselves), the longer we waste our time, alienate ourselves from our values
and fritter away our potential.
Another one of my teachers likes to cite that the very first
thing treatment programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, require people to do is
declaratively own their situation:
“Hi, I’m Joe, and I’m an alcoholic.”
Without ownership, we remain in denial (and I’m not talking
about the river).
Freedom begins when we can say, “I may not like what’s
happened but I can change it because I created it in the first place.”
In the next post, I will explore the next two facets of
“achievement”: Awareness and
Benefits.
* This is why I love the Temple of Ara – we use lots of playfully
ribald spiritual idioms.
Very inspiring! Thanks for getting the new year off to a positive start :)
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